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see the post, "The BMRD", for a slight discussion of discovery
Who is on first base. What is on second. Name the player on third.
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Slightly moody
Amber, the first thing I noticed when I picked up your paper is that it lacks a title. A catchy title will grab your readers attention and make them want to know more about your subject. Maybe you could try something like, "I'm Cuckoo for Cuckoo Clocks."
ReplyDeleteI had a little bit of a hard time following your essay and I realized that you didn't have a thesis statement, not only would it make your paper easier to follow but it will help the transition from you first paragraph to the body of your paper. It would also be a good place to state your opinion of cuckoo clocks. Do you love them or hate them? You've obviously done a bit or research about cuckoo clocks and I go the impression that you like them. If that is the case you need to let that show in your writing.
I think this is the hardest writing we've had to do yet. Good luck with your revision.
Julie
Amber I have to agree with Julie, when she said that your essay was a little hard to follow. You have a lot of information, which is good, but it got to be a little over barring at times. If you add more of your own oppion it would make your essay better.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed that can help your paper is by fixing some of the sentence sturctures. Try using some of the technices we used in class. This will give your essay some variety, which will keep it entertaining. Over all this was a good essay and it definalty has potential. Good Luck with final editing!!
Katie